Transition point in romantic relationships signals the beginning of their end

The end of a romantic relationship usually does not come out of the blue but is indicated one or two years before the breakup.

As the results of a new psychological study have demonstrated, the terminal stage of a relationship consists of two phases. First, there is a gradual decline in relationship satisfaction, reaching a transition point one to two years before the dissolution of the relationship.

What the researchers say: "From this transition point onwards, there is a rapid deterioration in relationship satisfaction. Couples in question then move towards separation," the lead author said. The paper was recently published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.

The analysis built on national studies from Germany, Australia, the United Kingdom, and the Netherlands

Previous studies have shown that satisfaction in a romantic relationship generally declines over time. This reduction in satisfaction is particularly marked in the first years of a relationship, and a distinctive low point is often reached after a period of ten years.

Instead of considering the processes that occur in the time-since-beginning of a romantic relationship, the researchers decided to look at the time-to-separation of relationships for the purposes of their research.

They used data from four representative studies conducted in Germany, Australia, the United Kingdom, and the Netherlands. All these countries are WEIRD, i.e., Western, Educated, Industrialized, Educated, Rich, Democratic, and their individuals are free – by law – to decide about their relationship status.

For each of the four data sets covering a total of 11,295 individuals there was a control group roughly the same size consisting of couples that had not separated. The surveys in the four countries were conducted over different periods of time, ranging from 12 to 21 years.

In all countries, the subjects were asked to specify how satisfied they were right then with their existing romantic relationship.

Using the available data, the researchers assessed the extent to which satisfaction with the relationship developed in the light of their subsequent separation.

"In order to better understand dissolving relationships, we examined them from the point of view of time-to-separation. To do this, we applied a concept that is in general use in other fields of psychology," they said. Based on the data of the four national representative studies, the researchers were able to determine that relationships can be subjected to what is known as terminal decline. This decline in relationship satisfaction occurs in two phases.

The initial preterminal phase, which can have a duration of several years, is characterized by a minor decline in satisfaction. However, this is followed by a transition or tipping point from which there is an accelerated decline in satisfaction.

The terminal phase of a relationship after this transition point lasts 7 to 28 months on average. "Once this terminal phase is reached, the relationship is doomed to come to an end,” the researchers concluded.

The partners do not necessarily experience the transition phase in the same way. The partner who initiates the separation has already become dissatisfied with the relationship at an earlier point in time. For the recipient of the separation, the transition point arrives relatively shortly before the actual separation. They experience a very rapid decline in relationship satisfaction.

"Partners pass through various phases. They do not normally separate from one day to the next, and the way these phases impact on the two partners differs," the lead author added. In many cases, couples seek help too late, i.e., when the transition point has already been reached. "It is thus important to be aware of these relationship patterns. Initiating measures in the preterminal phase of a relationship, i.e., before it begins to go rapidly downhill, may thus be more effective and even contribute to preserving the relationship," she explained.

My take: This is an interesting study and adds to the large volume of research that has recently been focused on romantic relationships.

What we are increasingly finding is that the longevity of a partnership depends on genetic traits. These can be physical, for example similar height, weight (obesity is largely genetic) or hair and eye color. They can also be psychological or behavioral, such as voting patterns, unconscious biases and assumptions, or personality traits.

Alicia and I have been together for 42 years and almost every day we find yet more commonalities.  We most often discover and discuss these during our long breakfasts together (for commonalities to be most bonding, it helps to articulate them). If Alicia and I should - by some miracle of medical science - be together for another 500 years, I suppose we will still be discovering things that we share.

That’s part of the fun of it.